


Spock Has A Magic Dick (And Other Things That Can Be Transmitted Through Vulcan Family Bonds)

by MarchForOurGays



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Awesome Amanda Grayson, Bones is So Done, Jim is clueless, M/M, Michael is In This Time Period Damnit, Sarek Also Doesn't Want To Know How Spock Has A Magic Dick, Sarek Seriously Just Wants To Have A Problematic Free Life With His Wife, T'Pau Is The Grandmother We Deserve, Vulcan Family Bonds Gone Wrong, no one does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-23 04:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18542668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarchForOurGays/pseuds/MarchForOurGays
Summary: "Wife," Sarek sighs before getting up and silently walking to the other side of the bed to help Amanda in a fit of giggles back up onto the luxuriously soft sheets . "Please be serious,"Amanda half sighs-half laughs at Sarek's comment."Serious? My dear we just saw the Captain of the Enterprise being fucked by our son-" Sarek winces at the crude language which earns him another giggle, " I think we're about as far from serious as it gets, husband,"Or, sometimes Vulcan Family Bonds can go horribly,horriblywrong.





	Spock Has A Magic Dick (And Other Things That Can Be Transmitted Through Vulcan Family Bonds)

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have been wanting to write this for months, because _think of the possibilities._ I'm surprised I haven't seen a fic like this one before so I thought, fuck it, why not?

 

 

_Shi'Kahr, Vulcan_

 

 

Sarek awakens with a shout. His mental facilities are fried, and he doesn't think he'll be able to recover from what was seen through the family bond he shares with his younger son. He pushes the covers of the bed aside to cool his sweating body before noticing his wife next to him, utterly incapable of speech because she is convulsing with hysterical laughter at the sight of her disheveled, completely emotionally scarred husband. 

 

 After around 4.862 seconds of laughter, Amanda was finally able to calm down, reducing her laughter to giggles in-between words and Sarek thinks it's good enough to finally ask her what in the name of Surak  _that_ was.

 

Amanda goes into hysterics once more after she  _squeals_ "Your  _face!"_ and Sarek hopes that the entire city doesn't wake up at the sound of his wife's unmistakably human laughter ringing through their ears and vibrating the Vulcan steel in their walls. 

 

Another picture flashes through the familial bond and Sarek has to suppress a groan which causes Amanda to fall off the bed into the floor, completely unfazed while tears stream down her cheeks and she finally laughs silently, unable to produce any more noise through her vocal cords.

 

"Wife," Sarek sighs before getting up and silently walking to the other side of the bed to help Amanda in a fit of giggles back up onto the luxuriously soft sheets. "Please be serious," 

 

Amanda half sighs-half laughs at Sarek's comment. 

 

"Serious? My dear we just saw the Captain of the  _Enterprise_ being fucked by our son-" Sarek winces at the crude language which earns him another giggle, " I think we're about as far from serious as it  _gets,_ husband," 

 

 _"Amanda,"_ Sarek growls, tightening his hold on her arm ever so slightly as a warning to not destroy his mental facilities even further; but his wife, in human terms is 'a little shit' and the warning spurs her on even more.

 

"What was it husband that Jim yelled out?" Sarek stifled a shudder at the memory "Tell me?" Amanda laughs, egging Sarek on like a middle schooler daring someone to not play chicken and Sarek sighs, and just decides to get it over with. After all, he would do anything to make his wife laugh more, even _this_. 

 

"He said that Spock had a 'magic cock'" And that causes Amanda to fall off the bed again, which almost makes Sarek chuckle over his over-dramatic wife if the comm hadn't gone off, the view-screen showing Sybok's face completely red with tears streaming down his face from obvious laughter at this time of night. 

 

"Can someone tell me what the actual  _fuck that was? "_

 

"Sybok that's utter bullshit, you know  _exactly what that was!"_ Amanda yells from the floor as she struggles to get up. Sybok laughs at Amanda's brashness and not beating around the bush, he always enjoyed talking to his step-mother. Sybok also admired how Amanda could easily make stuck up Vulcans uncomfortable even in the most mundane ways. However,  _this_ occasion was as far from mundane as one could possibly get. 

 

Leave it to Jim and Spock to make family bonds  _much_ more interesting.  

 

"Yeah, but still I really don't want to see or hear that Spock has a magic cock ever Mandy," 

 

"I was on fucking shift!" Michael yells as she's connected to the family call and Sarek has to repress the feeling of putting his face in his hands at the chaotic people that is his family. 

 

"Language Michael, Sybok," Sarek settles on because he really can't focus on anything else at the moment thanks to his adult children squabbling like they're eight. 

 

Michael sticks her tongue out in response and Sybok tries to argue why Amanda gets to curse and they don't, however he sounds like a petulant child whining over candy and Michael was just fucking _done_ with this entire conversation already. 

 

"Because she could destroy us with a snap of her fingers, dipshit," She says while she tries to make Sybok feel like the biggest idiot in the galaxy and Sybok visually weighs his options before watching Amanda, who is now sitting next to Sarek in front of the view-screen, give a very pointed raised eyebrow which makes Sybok curse inwardly at how Vulcans have taught her to be intimidating without a sound and a single facial expression. Michael laughs at her older brother and marks another tally on the tiny chalkboard in her mind. 

 

_Sybok-225, Michael- 226_

 

"Getting back to the matter at _hand ,"_ Sarek takes control of the conversation, desperate for just a  _little_ logic in possibly the most traumatizing situation of his entire life, but all his hopes are dashed when his  _mother and father_ enter the family call and oh sweet  _Surak_ there's a  _smirk_ on his mother's face and he feels Amanda grab his arm and bury her face in his shoulder to conceal downright hysterics but he knows his parents can see his wife's shoulder's shake violently through the view-screen. 

 

"Sarek." T'Pau speaks, as calm and collected as ever and Sarek  _desperately_ envies her right now, but he has to maintain control and he prays to every illogical deity to not embarrass himself in front of his parents in the middle of the night. 

 

"Granny!" Michael squeals breaking the awkward silence and T'Pau's eyes sparkle with mirth and joy at seeing her-never admitted, but definitely noticeable-favourite grandchild. 

 

"Michael,"  

 

"Mother, Father" Sarek inclines his head, and Amanda finally regains enough self-control to remove her face from her husband's shoulder to address her in-laws.   

 

"T'Pau, Skon," Sarek notices his mother shift her Vulcan night robes and gives a look to his father that Sarek can only to describe as  _amused._

 

"I think you know son why we are calling on you at this hour," And Sarek inwardly groans as he hears his wife and children stifle a snicker of mirth and his parents look on calmly at their son and Sarek is trying  _very_ hard to not turn green at the embarrassment that he is facing. He'll get revenge on Spock later hopefully, and he'll get Michael and Sybok to help him since they're more devious than their brother. 

 

"Yes, mother. There was an unexpected  _vision_ through the family bond that we all share which was accidentally transmitted by Spock."  Thankfully, Sarek is an ambassador, to  _Earth,_ which makes his word choices even more careful. Thankfully, his mother does not reject or question his said choice of words on the matter. His father, on the other hand, is trying very hard to hide his amusement through continuously straightening his sleeves to the vibrant purple robes he was wearing. 

 

"Unexpected vision meaning we saw Spock fucking Jim." Sybok intervenes and honestly,  _why_ Sarek thinks,  _did his life turn out this way?_ But that's a question for another time as his wife and children descend into gut-wrenching laughter once more. 

 

"At least we now know who's top." Amanda says with the absolute straightest face any Vulcan would be proud of and that's when Sarek decided to screw every Vulcan rule known in the cosmos and completely drops his face into his hands as an obvious sign of sheer  _exasperation._

 

He is going to meditate for at least three days, no, three  _weeks_ after this family meeting ends.

 

"Granny, do you think that this was a one time thing? Or is it going to happen again so that I can prepare my mental facilities more if another projection were to happen on my shift." And Sybok cackles at the fact that Michael probably scared the absolute shit of the entire  _Discovery_ crew which almost makes T'Pau smirk at the thought of seeing her granddaughter probably let out a yelp that shook the whole ship at her younger brother's antics. 

 

"Unfortunately, my dear I am fairly certain an occurrence of Spock's lapse of control will happen again. Since Spock is the most telepathically powerful in our family, a major lapse of control could send something through our bond to all of us, and as always, Spock is also highly unpredictable which makes this even more unforeseeable if or when something like this could occur at another point in the future." 

 

"So in the future, we might see Spock have sex even more because that's probably the only time when he loses control." Sybok interjects yet  _again._ And honestly Sarek doesn't know where He gets his attitude, not at all. Unfortunately, his dear wife and children would probably call bullshit on him because he is actually the sassiest out of all of them. But Sarek is, like his son, unpredictable which makes his sassiness even more entertaining when it appears. 

 

"We might not see Spock engage in coitus when he has a lapse but, only time will tell, unfortunately." 

 

"Then let's hope that something like this  _never happens again."_ Michael groans because really, no one wants to see Spock fuck Jim Kirk into oblivion on a regular basis, or hell,  _at all._

 

"Hope I would say is usually illogical but, in this instance, I find rather logical and necessary." T'Pau replies calmly before signing off with Skon to at least get a semblance of sleep and soon, Sybok and Michael log off as well, but not before taking bets with Amanda when the next occurrence will happen. There was no point in staving off the inevitable with the illogicality of hope when they all knew one time or another, Spock was going to go bonkers. So why not make it fun for (almost) everyone involved?

 

 Sarek hopes his son's refractory period doesn't work or else the entire family was in for a long night ahead as he crawls back into bed with his still giggly wife before kissing her head and whispering "Sleep, wife this had been an eventful night indeed." Before shutting off the light and falling into a dreamless sleep. 

 

 

 

**************************************

 

 

Apparently, Spock loses control  _very often._

 

Which annoys his family to no end. 

 

Thankfully, they only had to wait six weeks after the first incident to confront Spock about it. Since the  _Enterprise_ and the  _Discovery_ were near Vulcan, Amanda, the devious wife Sarek has, planned a _family visit_. 

 

This, was probably going to be the most  _interesting_ family visit in the history of the House of Surak. 

 

As Sarek felt his molecules come together on the transporter pad, he doesn't see his son, nor his son's bondmate standing waiting for them. Only the gruff, overly metaphor using Doctor Leonard McCoy stands in the room before Sarek feels a jolt in his mind and another vision takes form of Kirk's nude chest and he hears Sybok and Michael groan in unison before stepping off the transporter pad, completely disregarding the spluttering McCoy before heading to the Captain's quarters, Sarek, Amanda, T'Pau, Skon, and the good doctor follow behind the two trouble makers. 

 

"SPOCK OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Sybok yells as he's pounding on the cabin doors and Michael hacks into the security lock on the door which opens abruptly onto a half-naked Jim Kirk and ruffled Spock, their lips puffy from the obvious makeout session they were having, Spock's face completely green and Jim turns to his bondmate with wide eyes and the look of utter embarrassment on both of their faces. 

 

"This is  _so_ not how I wanted to meet your grandparents," And with that, Amanda, Sybok, and Michael completely fall in the floor with laughter, which causes Sarek to turn to Doctor McCoy who is completely done with this entire conversation and wants to go have a drink or ten in the solace of his cabin,  _alone,_ and Sarek would be lying if he didn't feel for the southern doctor. 

 

"Father, Mother," Spock croaks and Sarek turns back around to raise a pointed eyebrow at his son, before sending  _every single time_ Spock lost control with his Captain and Sarek sees his youngest son look up at him, then his eyes drift to T'Pau and Skon in  _horror._

 

"I-I can explain-" Spock starts before his grandmother interrupts him with a pointed look. 

 

"Spock," T'Pau raises her eyebrow to match her son's before continuing, almost breaking out in laughter at the cluelessness on the starship captain's face. "You are young. You are virile. However only you can put up strong enough protection to prevent this family from sharing in  _experiences_ only you have," 

 

" _Please."_ Sybok yells from the floor, " I really don't want to hear how you have a magic cock anymore," 

 

"No one fucking does," Michael retorts before everyone watches  _realization_ dawn on the golden-haired captain's face before turning to Spock and says "Really? Am I that good in bed?" before cracking up and falling to the floor along with the other humans and batshit crazy Vulcan in laughter as the other Vulcans watch on in their own amusement as Spock stumbles into his own quarters to meditate and set up the absolute strongest mental protection he can muster.

 

"I need a fucking drink." Leonard McCoy says aloud before turning and heading to his quarters to get completely trashed which only causes more laughter to come from the floor. 

 

Hopefully, Sarek thinks, Spock will learn one day how much loving a human can make a Vulcan lose control in ways that would be considered _obscene._ But, as Sarek turns to look at his own human on the floor of a starship, laughing in utter joy; he knows he would never change a thing. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A (1) in my Inbox is all I need in life.


End file.
